the WORLD SATSUMA THROWING CHAMPIONSHIPS
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CONTEST HISTORY
Early one frosty September morn in 2006 it was proposed to members of my family that if any one of them could beat me in a satsuma throwing contest that I would stop fannying around and get a proper job. I was victorious, and The World Satsuma Throwing Contest was born!
Early one frosty September morn in 2006 it was proposed to members of my family that if any one of them could beat me in a satsuma throwing contest that I would stop fannying around and get a proper job. I was victorious, and The World Satsuma Throwing Contest was born!
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In 2007 challengers lined up once again for a crack at the title. I won, again, but the contest was marred with tradgedy when one of the contestants dislocated a shoulder whilst throwing a citrus projectile and ended up in hospital (true).
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A misjudged format change saw the venue of 2008's contest move to the River Clyde, and the traditional throwing satsumas were replaced with tomatoes... with disastrous consequences!
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Jumping forward to 2012 and satsuma throwing has grown to such an extent that it becomes a demonstration event for the London Olympics. Sebastian Boris Johnston-Coe turns up to deliver a rousing speach and the challengers include a 4 year old boy, a pregnant woman, and a cocker spaniel.
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2013 and the contest is put on hold so that its champion can attend The World Stone Skimming Championships. Attracting media from around the world, it ends in ignominious defeat, and a universal humiliation via a retweet on The Accidental Partridge Twitter feed.
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In 2014, in recognition of my achievements as the now 8x World Satsuma Throwing Champion I was granted special permission, by the International Fruit Lobbing Council, to set the terms and conditions of the competition.
Traditionally the contest had taken place in Kelvingrove Park, Glasgow, in September, and over the years I'd taken on, and beaten, upwards of half a dozen challengers. It was for that reason that I decided to open up things up and make it an "anywhere, anytime" challenge.
Throughout 2014 I carried about my person a small bag of satsumas. If anyone challenged, and defeated, me they would win not only my respect but their very own chocolate orange! Almost three challengers stepped forward, by which I mean two challengers.
No one won a chocolate orange.
2015?