DEAD END
I think our constant road building is leading to a dead end. What’s going to happen in a hundred years time when there’s no longer anywhere left for us to build roads? Hmm I wonder... I wonder...
BRITAIN 2115AD
ALDOUS
I don’t need to tell you all that the new M49638 motorway will provide a vital transport link connecting the M35724 with the M17325, the M23988 the M34413 and the A304724659.. 4.... 2............. 8.
LILLIAN
I’m sorry, but the proposed route of the M49638 would involve building over some of our last remaining stretches of M60249, concreting over the lovely M81712 and ploughing up mile after mile of historic A67980457.
OTTO
The M49638 will bring vital roadbuilding jobs to the M37026 region, provide a much needed boost for road sign manufacturers and create around 150,000 new jobs in the motorway service station industry. As I’m sure you’re aware the number of motorway service stations have been in decline over the last five years and now employs just 93% of the British workforce.
LILLIAN
I’m well aware of the economic arguments for a road building program to build roads on top of our roads, but the M60249 is an area of outstanding tarmac-ed beauty! Building over it with another the road would prevent millions of motorists from enjoying the great British roadside.
OTTO
This is typical of you NIMBRs.
LILLIAN
NIMBR?
OTTO
Not In My Back Road.
LILLIAN
That’s got nothing to do with it. The M60249 passes through some of the most spectacular roads in Britain. The wonderful straight lanes of the A8975635, the fabulous winding A899774, and the A7892773 with its stunning views of the A785484 and A304586.
ALDOUS
The fact of the matter is that we are a small island, who ran out of countryside on which to build our roads more than 60 years ago. If we are to remain competitive in the global race to concrete over the entire world we are going to have to build more roads on top of our roads.
LILLIAN
But we need to protect our roadbuilding heritage! Every year we build an area of road the size of Wales.. on Wales! We’re building roads on top of roads but where’s it going to end?
OTTO
Roads on top roads on top of roads.
LILLIAN
Do we really want to be responsible for creating a world in which our children are denied the simple pleasures of a quaint old bypass or historic expressway?
OTTO
Don’t be ridiculous, of course they’ll still be able to enjoy them.. if they look them up on Google Holograms.
LILLIAN
It’s not the same, and you know it! What about road diversity?
ALDOUS
Please settle down. Look, I understand your concerns but I can reassure you that M49638 won’t be another 300 lane super-motorway......... It’ll be 250 lanes at the most.
LILLIAN
That’s what you said about the M38897.
ALDOUS
I think we should put it to a vote. All those in favour of giving the new motorway the green light. Please press your car horns now.
THE SOUND OF A MILLION CAR HORNS
ALDOUS
And all those against.
ONE LITTLE CAR HORN BEEP
BRITAIN 2115AD
ALDOUS
I don’t need to tell you all that the new M49638 motorway will provide a vital transport link connecting the M35724 with the M17325, the M23988 the M34413 and the A304724659.. 4.... 2............. 8.
LILLIAN
I’m sorry, but the proposed route of the M49638 would involve building over some of our last remaining stretches of M60249, concreting over the lovely M81712 and ploughing up mile after mile of historic A67980457.
OTTO
The M49638 will bring vital roadbuilding jobs to the M37026 region, provide a much needed boost for road sign manufacturers and create around 150,000 new jobs in the motorway service station industry. As I’m sure you’re aware the number of motorway service stations have been in decline over the last five years and now employs just 93% of the British workforce.
LILLIAN
I’m well aware of the economic arguments for a road building program to build roads on top of our roads, but the M60249 is an area of outstanding tarmac-ed beauty! Building over it with another the road would prevent millions of motorists from enjoying the great British roadside.
OTTO
This is typical of you NIMBRs.
LILLIAN
NIMBR?
OTTO
Not In My Back Road.
LILLIAN
That’s got nothing to do with it. The M60249 passes through some of the most spectacular roads in Britain. The wonderful straight lanes of the A8975635, the fabulous winding A899774, and the A7892773 with its stunning views of the A785484 and A304586.
ALDOUS
The fact of the matter is that we are a small island, who ran out of countryside on which to build our roads more than 60 years ago. If we are to remain competitive in the global race to concrete over the entire world we are going to have to build more roads on top of our roads.
LILLIAN
But we need to protect our roadbuilding heritage! Every year we build an area of road the size of Wales.. on Wales! We’re building roads on top of roads but where’s it going to end?
OTTO
Roads on top roads on top of roads.
LILLIAN
Do we really want to be responsible for creating a world in which our children are denied the simple pleasures of a quaint old bypass or historic expressway?
OTTO
Don’t be ridiculous, of course they’ll still be able to enjoy them.. if they look them up on Google Holograms.
LILLIAN
It’s not the same, and you know it! What about road diversity?
ALDOUS
Please settle down. Look, I understand your concerns but I can reassure you that M49638 won’t be another 300 lane super-motorway......... It’ll be 250 lanes at the most.
LILLIAN
That’s what you said about the M38897.
ALDOUS
I think we should put it to a vote. All those in favour of giving the new motorway the green light. Please press your car horns now.
THE SOUND OF A MILLION CAR HORNS
ALDOUS
And all those against.
ONE LITTLE CAR HORN BEEP