DEEPLY DIPPY
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The news that Dippy the diplodocus was to be removed from its place in the central hall of the Natural History Museum had people incandescent with rage - over the pronunciation of diplodocus.
Some said diplodocus whilst others were adamant it was diplodocus. What a ridiculous thing to get annoyed about, because it’s pronounced DIPLODOCUS!! - Some other words people often mispronounce include library and et cetera, and don’t get me started on Uranus - It’s a difficult time for everyone at the museum, but spare a thought for whoever has to break the bad news to poor old Dippy.
DIRECTOR
Ah there you are Dippy.
DIPPY
I’m always here Director.
DIRECTOR
What? Ah yes of course. Listen Dippy, that’s what I wanted to speak to you about - you being here.
DIPPY
What do you mean?
DIRECTOR
You’ve been at the Natural History Museum an awfully long time haven’t you?
DIPPY
No I wouldn’t say that.
DIRECTOR
You started work here over 110 years ago.
DIPPY
Exactly. A mere blink of an eye for a sauropod from the late Jurassic period.
DIRECTOR
Most dinosaurs have retired by time they are 135million.
DIPPY
Oh I could never retire. Generations of schoolchildren have come here to see me. I’m a bone idol. If I left what would replace me?
DIRECTOR
A whale.
DIPPY
Ha-Ha. Nice one!
DIRECTOR
Let me put it this way Dippy - have you ever thought about a change of scene? Perhaps traveling or spending more time with your family?
DIPPY
My family were wiped out by a meteor strike.
DIRECTOR
I’m sorry. I didn’t know that.
DIPPY
You should do, it’s written on the wall over there.
DIRECTOR
How can I put this politely? Dippy you’re getting a bit long in the tooth.
DIPPY
Oh no. No, no, no - a diplodocus is long in the neck. You're thinking of the tyrannosaurus, now they’re really long in the tooth. Did you know some of their teeth were over 8inches in length?
DIRECTOR
Dippy, we want to take the museum in a new direction. Get some fresh faces onboard.
DIPPY
Are you saying you want to replace me with a younger model?
DIRECTOR
Not a model - an actual skeleton.
DIPPY
What of? A stegosaurus? Ha more like a mega-bore-us!.. Not an iguanodon? Tell me it’s not an iguanodon? No don’t tell me, because if it’s an iguanodon I don-wan-a know.
DIRECTOR
It’s a blue whale Dippy. You’re being replaced by a blue whale.
DIPPY
A blue whale?? But, but, they’re not even extinct!!
DIRECTOR
Not yet, but give it a few years.
DIPPY
You do know I’m a dinosaur don’t you?
DIRECTOR
There’ll always be a place for you here in the Natural History Museum Dippy.
DIPPY
And where would that place be exactly? Stuffed into a packing crate and chucked into the back of some dusty old storeroom?
DIRECTOR
I’m sure you’ll not be short of offers. You could always pick up work advertising the latest Jurassic park movie.
DIPPY
Oh and what happens in that one? Do all the dinosaurs get replaced with whales?
DIRECTOR
I’m sorry Dippy, the museum board has made its decision. You can work front of house for the next 3 months but then-
DIPPY
I’m history. I get it. Very well, but I should warn you I’m not going down without a fight.
DIRECTOR
Really Dippy? Your skeletal structure suggests that you weren’t designed for fighting, not unless you came upon a particularly fearsome tree fern.
DIPPY
I’m going to sue - for wrongful dismissal.
DIRECTOR
Oh, on what grounds?
DIPPY
(PAUSE) Age discrimination.