nature magazines
MARTIN
What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?
FIONA
I found them Martin.
MARTIN
Found what?
FIONA
Your (disgusted) magazines. I found them at the back of the cupboard.
MARTIN:
What magazines?
FIONA
Don't try to deny it.. these magazines!
What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?
FIONA
I found them Martin.
MARTIN
Found what?
FIONA
Your (disgusted) magazines. I found them at the back of the cupboard.
MARTIN:
What magazines?
FIONA
Don't try to deny it.. these magazines!
MARTIN
Those are my wildlife magazines?
FIONA
Oh god, you're not even going to bother trying to deny it are you!?
MARTIN
I've always been interested in wildlife.
FIONA
Oh I feel ill.
MARTIN
Why what's the matter?
FIONA
What's the matter? The pictures in these magazines are sick. I mean look at that!.. What is that!!?
Those are my wildlife magazines?
FIONA
Oh god, you're not even going to bother trying to deny it are you!?
MARTIN
I've always been interested in wildlife.
FIONA
Oh I feel ill.
MARTIN
Why what's the matter?
FIONA
What's the matter? The pictures in these magazines are sick. I mean look at that!.. What is that!!?
MARTIN
It's a group of elephants at a waterhole.
FIONA
But they've got no clothes on. You can see everything. Nothing is left to the imagination!
MARTIN
It's just nature.
FIONA
Oh well what's so natural about this!?
It's a group of elephants at a waterhole.
FIONA
But they've got no clothes on. You can see everything. Nothing is left to the imagination!
MARTIN
It's just nature.
FIONA
Oh well what's so natural about this!?
MARTIN
A school of dolphins?
FIONA
They're still at school!!? This just gets worse! How would you feel if our daughter was photographed splashing about in the sea? Or, or, or, regurgitating a shrew to feed her young?
MARTIN
But she's not an animal.
FIONA
Animals, that's all they are to you, just animals! Well how do you think this panda's parents feel about one of their children doing this sort of work?
A school of dolphins?
FIONA
They're still at school!!? This just gets worse! How would you feel if our daughter was photographed splashing about in the sea? Or, or, or, regurgitating a shrew to feed her young?
MARTIN
But she's not an animal.
FIONA
Animals, that's all they are to you, just animals! Well how do you think this panda's parents feel about one of their children doing this sort of work?
MARTIN
What do you mean work?
FIONA
Don't be so naive Martin, most of them only appear in magazines like this to fund their bamboo habits.. or to pay off their pimps.
MARTIN
Pimps??
FIONA
How do you think it makes me feel knowing this is the sort of filth you're into? I mean what can you get from an article about the migration patterns of barnacle geese that you can't get from me?
MARTIN
You're being ridiculous.
FIONA
Oh ridiculous am I? Well excuse me for not having a vestigial tail, but I'm taking the kids to my mothers tonight. When I get back in the morning I want that filth out of the house, right?
MARTIN
Okay.. Okay!!
She storms out slamming the door on her way. Martin sighs.
MARTIN
You can come out now.
From out of the wardrobe steps...
What do you mean work?
FIONA
Don't be so naive Martin, most of them only appear in magazines like this to fund their bamboo habits.. or to pay off their pimps.
MARTIN
Pimps??
FIONA
How do you think it makes me feel knowing this is the sort of filth you're into? I mean what can you get from an article about the migration patterns of barnacle geese that you can't get from me?
MARTIN
You're being ridiculous.
FIONA
Oh ridiculous am I? Well excuse me for not having a vestigial tail, but I'm taking the kids to my mothers tonight. When I get back in the morning I want that filth out of the house, right?
MARTIN
Okay.. Okay!!
She storms out slamming the door on her way. Martin sighs.
MARTIN
You can come out now.
From out of the wardrobe steps...
MARTIN
She's gone to her mothers.
She's gone to her mothers.
MARTIN
I know, I know. I'll tell her!
I know, I know. I'll tell her!
MARTIN
When the time's right.. It's just not that easy.
When the time's right.. It's just not that easy.
MARTIN
Of course I love you.. Come on let's not fight.. We've got the place to ourselves.. Give me some sugar baby!
Of course I love you.. Come on let's not fight.. We've got the place to ourselves.. Give me some sugar baby!
MARTIN
OWW that's it, bite me! OWW Oh yeah OOAAHH that's what I'm AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH talking abouOWWWWOOOOOOAAAARRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Etc.
OWW that's it, bite me! OWW Oh yeah OOAAHH that's what I'm AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH talking abouOWWWWOOOOOOAAAARRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Etc.