OPEN DOORS
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Doors Open Day is Scotland's largest annual architectural event giving free access to fascinating buildings across Scotland. Every weekend in September you can explore places that are normally closed to the public or where a charge is usually made. With more than 900 buildings to choose from it can be difficult to know where to start so here is a selection of some of my favourite buildings that I hope will inspire you to get out and explore our cultural and architectural heritage.
The John Leslie Museum - One of Edinburgh's top tourist destination it attracts over 15 visitors a year. The museum documents John Leslie's rise to fame as one of Britain's most popular TV presenters of the 1990s to his eventual fall from grace. Unbeknownst to his adoring fan he was leading a double life, for when the cameras stopped rolling John Leslie was one of Edinburgh's most notorious grave robbers!
Leslie was making a pretty penny supplying the newly formed medical department at Edinburgh University with fresh corpses, but when security was tightened at the cities graveyards Leslie took to throttling drunkards and wastrels. He was finally caught and hung on Edinburgh's Royal Mile in 2004. His story inspired Robert Louis Stevenson to write Dr Jekyll and Mr Leslie. The museum houses many of his personal artifacts, donated by the TV presenters family, such as his pocket watch, walking stick and favourite bottle of chloroform.
The Bell End Lighthouse - The Thomas Telford designed lighthouse was erected in Ardnamurchan in the year of our Lord 1853. Modeled on his own cock, it was one of the first lighthouses that was engineered to get bigger in bad weather. In rough seas it could grow to a height of almost 300ft, some 50ft higher than Isambard Kingdom Brunel's famous Iron Snatch, and the light from it's distinctive purple throbbing head could be seen by ships over 20miles away. It was finally decommissioned in 1979 but it remains a monument to the great age of Victorian smutty engineering and visitors can still gain access it's mechanical nuts and climb to the top of it's veins for views across to the islands of Bhum and Smegg.
Muirhouse Community Centre - Built in 2009 at a cost of £5million it formed the centerpiece of an urban regeneration project. It's now a burnt out shell but 'needles to say' houses a large collection of broken windows and some of the best examples of graffiti art in Scotland.
The Scottish Centre For Swearing - The centre is dedicated to keeping alive the rich tradition of Scottish swearing. It's library contains works by scatological writers spanning back almost 500 years, and an archive of over 750,000 swear words. A swearing recital takes place each day at 3 'a fuckin' clock.
Tannymagnets - Go behind the scenes at Europe's largest tanning salon and chip shop complex spanning over 80,000 square feet. Children under 14 welcome as long as they are accompanied by their children.
The Scottish Arse Museum - The distinctive buttock shaped building was built in the 1960s to document the history of arses in Scotland, from the time St Columba first brought the arse to Scotland in 806AD right up to the present day's multicultural buns. A vast collection of arses are displayed with over a thousand moulds taken from the backsides of many famous and prominent Scots, and visitors are allowed to make their own arse rubbings, but the jewell in the Arse Museum's crown is a priceless faberge arsehole that is encrusted with ruby and emerald dangleberries.
Strathclyde Police Forensic Department Morgue - One of Scotland's largest and busiest buildings, it's visited by over a million dead people every year from the Glasgow area alone. Live autopsy displays take place each day at 11am and 3pm.
Kelvingrove Toilets - Designed by William Playfair in 1760 this is one of the oldest working lavatories in Scotland. Visitors are welcome to attend a guided tour of the facilities, which is followed by a short short lecture on the history of cottaging, or may sit in quiet contemplation and view the extensive collection of piss art by local piss artists.
My House - Housing the largest collection of things belonging to me, this is where I lived from 2002 until the present day. The property is a living museum and is decorated in the classic 'old ladies house' style of the 1970s. The attractions include an almost working bathroom and an impressive display of polythene bags.
The Scottish Parliament - Built at a cost to the taxpayer of £180 billion it's a fine example of a victorian folly. Designed to let in natural light, and rainwater, it was built out of local materials, like mud and straw and pigeon shit. The biodegradable building will have to be completely rebuilt within five years. Visitors can gain entrance to the viewing platform where from 11.30am-4pm they can observe the hardworking SMPs eating their subsidised lunches in the Michelin starred cafeteria.
Okay that last one is a joke but there are loads of other interesting buildings you can gain free entry to across Scotland including castles, churches, museums, brothels and libraries.
The John Leslie Museum - One of Edinburgh's top tourist destination it attracts over 15 visitors a year. The museum documents John Leslie's rise to fame as one of Britain's most popular TV presenters of the 1990s to his eventual fall from grace. Unbeknownst to his adoring fan he was leading a double life, for when the cameras stopped rolling John Leslie was one of Edinburgh's most notorious grave robbers!
Leslie was making a pretty penny supplying the newly formed medical department at Edinburgh University with fresh corpses, but when security was tightened at the cities graveyards Leslie took to throttling drunkards and wastrels. He was finally caught and hung on Edinburgh's Royal Mile in 2004. His story inspired Robert Louis Stevenson to write Dr Jekyll and Mr Leslie. The museum houses many of his personal artifacts, donated by the TV presenters family, such as his pocket watch, walking stick and favourite bottle of chloroform.
The Bell End Lighthouse - The Thomas Telford designed lighthouse was erected in Ardnamurchan in the year of our Lord 1853. Modeled on his own cock, it was one of the first lighthouses that was engineered to get bigger in bad weather. In rough seas it could grow to a height of almost 300ft, some 50ft higher than Isambard Kingdom Brunel's famous Iron Snatch, and the light from it's distinctive purple throbbing head could be seen by ships over 20miles away. It was finally decommissioned in 1979 but it remains a monument to the great age of Victorian smutty engineering and visitors can still gain access it's mechanical nuts and climb to the top of it's veins for views across to the islands of Bhum and Smegg.
Muirhouse Community Centre - Built in 2009 at a cost of £5million it formed the centerpiece of an urban regeneration project. It's now a burnt out shell but 'needles to say' houses a large collection of broken windows and some of the best examples of graffiti art in Scotland.
The Scottish Centre For Swearing - The centre is dedicated to keeping alive the rich tradition of Scottish swearing. It's library contains works by scatological writers spanning back almost 500 years, and an archive of over 750,000 swear words. A swearing recital takes place each day at 3 'a fuckin' clock.
Tannymagnets - Go behind the scenes at Europe's largest tanning salon and chip shop complex spanning over 80,000 square feet. Children under 14 welcome as long as they are accompanied by their children.
The Scottish Arse Museum - The distinctive buttock shaped building was built in the 1960s to document the history of arses in Scotland, from the time St Columba first brought the arse to Scotland in 806AD right up to the present day's multicultural buns. A vast collection of arses are displayed with over a thousand moulds taken from the backsides of many famous and prominent Scots, and visitors are allowed to make their own arse rubbings, but the jewell in the Arse Museum's crown is a priceless faberge arsehole that is encrusted with ruby and emerald dangleberries.
Strathclyde Police Forensic Department Morgue - One of Scotland's largest and busiest buildings, it's visited by over a million dead people every year from the Glasgow area alone. Live autopsy displays take place each day at 11am and 3pm.
Kelvingrove Toilets - Designed by William Playfair in 1760 this is one of the oldest working lavatories in Scotland. Visitors are welcome to attend a guided tour of the facilities, which is followed by a short short lecture on the history of cottaging, or may sit in quiet contemplation and view the extensive collection of piss art by local piss artists.
My House - Housing the largest collection of things belonging to me, this is where I lived from 2002 until the present day. The property is a living museum and is decorated in the classic 'old ladies house' style of the 1970s. The attractions include an almost working bathroom and an impressive display of polythene bags.
The Scottish Parliament - Built at a cost to the taxpayer of £180 billion it's a fine example of a victorian folly. Designed to let in natural light, and rainwater, it was built out of local materials, like mud and straw and pigeon shit. The biodegradable building will have to be completely rebuilt within five years. Visitors can gain entrance to the viewing platform where from 11.30am-4pm they can observe the hardworking SMPs eating their subsidised lunches in the Michelin starred cafeteria.
Okay that last one is a joke but there are loads of other interesting buildings you can gain free entry to across Scotland including castles, churches, museums, brothels and libraries.