GEORGE FOREMAN'S clean grean ass reducin' machine
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Hi I’m George Forman, and I’d like to tell you fine lookin’ people about my Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine.
You know back when I was training for a fight I used to go into the gym every day in order to get my bottom into top condition. I’d spend hours working out on the Big Bum Bag and when my sweet cheeks couldn’t take any more punishment, my coach would line up all the guys in the gym and let them pound away on my ass until my buttocks were black and blue.
I knew my posterior had to learn take a beating if I was to become the Heavyweight Bare Bum Boxing Champion of the World. But once I stopped working out my derriere got so big I had to drag my sorry behind behind me in a reverse wheelbarrow. I needed help to reduce my massive backside down to a manageable size and that’s when I discovered the Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine.
I swear that after only 16 hours a day, everyday, for five years, with my big ol' buns in the Ass Reducin’ Machine, my rear end was smaller, firmer, silkier and more manageable than it had been in years. My Ass looked 10 years younger!
I felt as if I could take Mohammad Ali in the ring and still go cheek to cheek with Larry 'The Ass Man' Holmes!
The Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine is so simple to use.. Just strap your gluteus maximus into the compartment and let the thousands of tiny knives do the work for you! When your bahookie has reduced to the size you want it - small, medium, or rare - simply remove the straps and buy yourself some new pants! It really is as easy as that!
But that’s not all because my Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine is the only Ass Reduction System with patented Ass Fat Collection Technology.. Simply drain off the Ass Fat at the end of every session and you’ve got yourself a refreshing glass of Ass Juice!
Drink it straight or just add some of my George Foreman’s Mighty Tasty Ass Powder to make delicious Ass Shakes in a range of Ass-tonishing flavours that everyone will love including Ready Salted, Squirrel and Onions, and Crab.
And the Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine is low, low, low maintenance. It can handle the fattest, plumpest, Asses! And it’s environmental friendly too, because it prevents the release of poisonous Ass Gas, unlike like some other rump shrinking products I could mention.
So isn’t it about time you ditched your old Joe Frazier’s Smoke Producing Buttock Reducin’ Contraption and got yourself the undisputed world champion of Ass shrinking equipment?
Booty call today whilst stocks last. The George Foreman Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine - It’s so good I even put my Ass on it!
You know back when I was training for a fight I used to go into the gym every day in order to get my bottom into top condition. I’d spend hours working out on the Big Bum Bag and when my sweet cheeks couldn’t take any more punishment, my coach would line up all the guys in the gym and let them pound away on my ass until my buttocks were black and blue.
I knew my posterior had to learn take a beating if I was to become the Heavyweight Bare Bum Boxing Champion of the World. But once I stopped working out my derriere got so big I had to drag my sorry behind behind me in a reverse wheelbarrow. I needed help to reduce my massive backside down to a manageable size and that’s when I discovered the Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine.
I swear that after only 16 hours a day, everyday, for five years, with my big ol' buns in the Ass Reducin’ Machine, my rear end was smaller, firmer, silkier and more manageable than it had been in years. My Ass looked 10 years younger!
I felt as if I could take Mohammad Ali in the ring and still go cheek to cheek with Larry 'The Ass Man' Holmes!
The Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine is so simple to use.. Just strap your gluteus maximus into the compartment and let the thousands of tiny knives do the work for you! When your bahookie has reduced to the size you want it - small, medium, or rare - simply remove the straps and buy yourself some new pants! It really is as easy as that!
But that’s not all because my Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine is the only Ass Reduction System with patented Ass Fat Collection Technology.. Simply drain off the Ass Fat at the end of every session and you’ve got yourself a refreshing glass of Ass Juice!
Drink it straight or just add some of my George Foreman’s Mighty Tasty Ass Powder to make delicious Ass Shakes in a range of Ass-tonishing flavours that everyone will love including Ready Salted, Squirrel and Onions, and Crab.
And the Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine is low, low, low maintenance. It can handle the fattest, plumpest, Asses! And it’s environmental friendly too, because it prevents the release of poisonous Ass Gas, unlike like some other rump shrinking products I could mention.
So isn’t it about time you ditched your old Joe Frazier’s Smoke Producing Buttock Reducin’ Contraption and got yourself the undisputed world champion of Ass shrinking equipment?
Booty call today whilst stocks last. The George Foreman Clean Green Ass Reducin’ Machine - It’s so good I even put my Ass on it!
sex, pies, and hucknall
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Mick Hucknall, lead singer of pop group Simply Ginger, says he’s ready to settle down following claims, from himself, that he has slept with over one billion women.
“In my younger, wilder years, I was addicted to sex and must have slept with a quarter of the world’s female population at one time or other. At the height of my fame I was having sex with over 750,000 women a day, I was insatiable. Simply Ginger would be playing to crowds of 60,000, but backstage I’d have twice that number of women waiting for me to come off stage and have sex with them”
Mick believes that having sex with so many women was a result of an addictive personality and it was around this time that he developed his eating disorder.
“When I wasn’t having sex I was eating pies, I was eating twice my own body weight in pies every couple of hours. I knew I couldn’t carry on eating pies, and having sex, at such a rate and so I checked myself into a rehabilitation clinic. But even in rehab my tour manager was able to sneak in seven or eight thousand women a day for me to have sex with.
But the staff soon became suspicious because of all the sounds of female sexual gratification coming from my room, and also because of the seven or eight thousand women that were standing in a queue outside my door. They sent me to see a string of sex therapists, but the results were always the same, within seconds of meeting them they’d be having sex with me.
I can’t really blame all these women for having sex with me. I blame my incredible good looks, animal magnetism and magnificent ginger balls that are like the Tardis, except my balls are smaller on the inside than they are on the outside. I’m not stupid I know that my wealth and fame must had something to do with one, possibly even two, of the billion plus women I’ve had sex with, but mainly it’s down to my looks, magnetism and tiny ginger balls”.
One woman who slept with Mick is 97 year old Li Ming Huan from a remote hill village in Guangdong province China.
“In my younger, wilder years, I was addicted to sex and must have slept with a quarter of the world’s female population at one time or other. At the height of my fame I was having sex with over 750,000 women a day, I was insatiable. Simply Ginger would be playing to crowds of 60,000, but backstage I’d have twice that number of women waiting for me to come off stage and have sex with them”
Mick believes that having sex with so many women was a result of an addictive personality and it was around this time that he developed his eating disorder.
“When I wasn’t having sex I was eating pies, I was eating twice my own body weight in pies every couple of hours. I knew I couldn’t carry on eating pies, and having sex, at such a rate and so I checked myself into a rehabilitation clinic. But even in rehab my tour manager was able to sneak in seven or eight thousand women a day for me to have sex with.
But the staff soon became suspicious because of all the sounds of female sexual gratification coming from my room, and also because of the seven or eight thousand women that were standing in a queue outside my door. They sent me to see a string of sex therapists, but the results were always the same, within seconds of meeting them they’d be having sex with me.
I can’t really blame all these women for having sex with me. I blame my incredible good looks, animal magnetism and magnificent ginger balls that are like the Tardis, except my balls are smaller on the inside than they are on the outside. I’m not stupid I know that my wealth and fame must had something to do with one, possibly even two, of the billion plus women I’ve had sex with, but mainly it’s down to my looks, magnetism and tiny ginger balls”.
One woman who slept with Mick is 97 year old Li Ming Huan from a remote hill village in Guangdong province China.
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“I had sex with Mick in the back of his limousine, along with several hundred women from my village and the surrounding countryside. He was a very considerate lover, and I really thought I’d met the man of my dreams, but when he’d finished gratifying himself, he called us a fleet of rickshaws, and we haven’t heard from since. I thought Mick really cared for me, and the other women from my village, and surrounding countryside, but he turned out to be just like every other millionaire pop star with a sex addiction. I thought we had something really special together, but he just used me, used me for sex”.
Mick says that his days of having sex with entire villages and the surrounding countryside are behind him, and he is now looking for the right woman to settle down with, a woman that can offer him what he needs, a combination of sex, sex and pies.
Mick says that his days of having sex with entire villages and the surrounding countryside are behind him, and he is now looking for the right woman to settle down with, a woman that can offer him what he needs, a combination of sex, sex and pies.
motley virgin
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American musician Tommy Lee, from the glam metal band Mott the Hoople, revealed today that he has never had sex.
“I decided to come clean about being a virgin after an article appeared on the internet saying that Mick Hucknall, the lead singer of Simply Ginger, had slept with over a billion women. People were coming up to me and saying if that ginger nutsack has slept with a billion women then you must have slept with every female on the planet.. twice! But nothing could be further than the truth, because I’ve had sex with exactly zero women.
Somehow I've got this reputation as a hard rocking, groupie cocking, sex machine, but the reality is that I’m shy. I’m not saying I don’t like woman, because I do, it’s just that whenever I try to talk to a woman, that I like, I get all tongue tied and end up making a complete fool of myself. People think that just because I’m rich, and in a famous band, I must get women throwing their tits at me all the time.. I wish!!
I think my reputation puts a lot of women off. They see me as unapproachable, and usually go off and have sex with the other members of the band, or blow the roadies in the toilets. That’s why I want people to know the truth, that I’m not such an unapproachable person, I’m no different from any other rock star. Apart from the fact I’m a virgin.
I know there will be people out there who won’t believe that I’ve never done the business with a lady woman, those people probably saw the sex tape of me and Pamela Anderson. But in fact nothing ever happened between Pamela and I, the film just looked that way because of fancy lighting and camera angles.
I wanted to have sex with Pamela, but she kept saying she wanted to wait. I thought that after we got married I’d finally get to have sexy time, but even after we were wed she still kept saying she wanted to wait. I never even got a glimpse of her big plastic knockers. Unlike just about everyone else. It was a very frustrating time for me.
Being a virgin didn’t use to bother me, but as I’ve gotten older I worry that it might never happen. I’ve thought about going to see a prostitute, but I wouldn’t even know where to start finding one, even though the rest of the band insist on a dozen hookers being laid on backstage after a gig.
Another rumour I’d like to settle is that I have a ten-inch penis.. If only!! My cock measures just two inches, and that’s when fully erect. My tiny penis is probably one of the things that has made me shy of women. I know people always say ‘it’s not size that matters, it’s what you do with it that counts’, but I’ve got a tiny dongle AND I don’t know what to do with it!
At least now that I’ve got my dick out in the open, so to speak, if any woman does consent to have sexual intercourse with me she can’t say I misrepresented the size of my winky. I just hope that one day I’ll finally meet a female lady who I can spend some quality time with, holding hands and going for romantic walks along the beach. And who will let me my put my pigmy's tinkle inside her lady garden."
“I decided to come clean about being a virgin after an article appeared on the internet saying that Mick Hucknall, the lead singer of Simply Ginger, had slept with over a billion women. People were coming up to me and saying if that ginger nutsack has slept with a billion women then you must have slept with every female on the planet.. twice! But nothing could be further than the truth, because I’ve had sex with exactly zero women.
Somehow I've got this reputation as a hard rocking, groupie cocking, sex machine, but the reality is that I’m shy. I’m not saying I don’t like woman, because I do, it’s just that whenever I try to talk to a woman, that I like, I get all tongue tied and end up making a complete fool of myself. People think that just because I’m rich, and in a famous band, I must get women throwing their tits at me all the time.. I wish!!
I think my reputation puts a lot of women off. They see me as unapproachable, and usually go off and have sex with the other members of the band, or blow the roadies in the toilets. That’s why I want people to know the truth, that I’m not such an unapproachable person, I’m no different from any other rock star. Apart from the fact I’m a virgin.
I know there will be people out there who won’t believe that I’ve never done the business with a lady woman, those people probably saw the sex tape of me and Pamela Anderson. But in fact nothing ever happened between Pamela and I, the film just looked that way because of fancy lighting and camera angles.
I wanted to have sex with Pamela, but she kept saying she wanted to wait. I thought that after we got married I’d finally get to have sexy time, but even after we were wed she still kept saying she wanted to wait. I never even got a glimpse of her big plastic knockers. Unlike just about everyone else. It was a very frustrating time for me.
Being a virgin didn’t use to bother me, but as I’ve gotten older I worry that it might never happen. I’ve thought about going to see a prostitute, but I wouldn’t even know where to start finding one, even though the rest of the band insist on a dozen hookers being laid on backstage after a gig.
Another rumour I’d like to settle is that I have a ten-inch penis.. If only!! My cock measures just two inches, and that’s when fully erect. My tiny penis is probably one of the things that has made me shy of women. I know people always say ‘it’s not size that matters, it’s what you do with it that counts’, but I’ve got a tiny dongle AND I don’t know what to do with it!
At least now that I’ve got my dick out in the open, so to speak, if any woman does consent to have sexual intercourse with me she can’t say I misrepresented the size of my winky. I just hope that one day I’ll finally meet a female lady who I can spend some quality time with, holding hands and going for romantic walks along the beach. And who will let me my put my pigmy's tinkle inside her lady garden."